Body Image

Up and Down...

Ever since I gained weight several years ago I have had issues with the body image I had of myself. Even after I started to lose  weight, the negative view I had has not gone away completely. I know a lot of women go through this struggle at one point or another in their life and that it is why I wanted to share my growth so far on it.

When I put on my weight I was at an extremely low point in my life, and seeing how I had let myself go did not help the situation. It was to the point I did not want pictures taken of me at all, and if I did take one I made sure that I was covered as much as possible. In the summer I did not want to go swimming, because I was embarrassed in a swimsuit. Even if the temperatures reached 100 degrees I never wore shorts, only around the house (I still only own one pair of shorts, but that is going to change this summer).

I usually had the hardest time when trying on clothes or going shopping. I hated picking out new clothes, thinking that nothing looked good. One time with my mom shopping, I actually broke down in the dressing room; it was one of the lowest points I have ever had related to how I felt about myself.

Mirrors, I avoided them like the plague. Only more recently have I felt better about looking at myself in the mirror. When I did go in front of the mirror, all I did was find everything that I did not like about myself and add more fuel to the fire.

I know many people suffer from anorexia or bulimia due to their poor body images, I am lucky enough to have never gotten that bad (I like food too much, and hate throwing up so safe). But I can easily understand why some people go to those extremes.

Even as I have started to make healthy changes in my lifestyle and habits, I still have daily struggles. Some days I will feel great with progress I have made, and should be happy... but then the next day I will get completely discouraged and keep thinking I have sooo far to go or still not be satisfied with what I see in that stupid mirror. I keep wondering when I will get to the point that I can look in the mirror and be truly happy with what I see? I have a goal weight in mind, but when I get there... will that be the end or will I think that is not enough? That is the part that scares me.

I will say I think addressing the things I am feeling and sharing them has been a great step forward. I thought when I made changes physically the mental would just follow, didn't realize how challenging it was to change your mental attitude and perceptions of what you 'should' be over rather what is right for you.
    
Found a very informative article on the subject...
Negative Body Image and Weight Issues

Weather got you down? Soup!

Not feeling well? Want something so warm you up in these cold temps?

Make some soup!

Haven't been feeling  great the last week, with the drastic change of temperatures and my allergies I think it all finally caught up with me. All I wanted to eat the last few days was soup, but of course I didn't have any cans ready for this situation or any frozen ready to go. 

I was then reminded quickly that I was single and didn't have magical powers, so none was going to magically appear and no one was going to make any for me. So I decided to attempt some cabbage soup since I had bought a head of cabbage with no idea what to do with it. 

Where do I go for recipes usually? To one of my many addictions Pinterest and they did not disappoint. I soon found a recipe that looked simple and quick, and  included ingredients I already had. 

Healing Cabbage Soup Recipe 

Only after I started did I realize what a mistake I had made. why hadn't I just gone out and bought a can of soup? Instead I figured it would be easier to spend an hour plus making homemade soup I had never made, while still groggy off cold and sinus medicine...hmm

When I started I cannot even remember how many times I had to reread the recipe. After I got a grasp on the ingredients I needed, I decided to make a few adjusments suggested in the comments. I added celery and carrots for extra vegetables, plus cayenne pepper and red pepper flakes for a little kick. 

While cutting my veggies I was very surprised I did not loose a finger. I will blame being medicated and not my clumsiness, but the knife slipped way too many times! I put the carrots and celery into the first step of the recipe (before the water). No idea if this was the right time to add them but I was improvising that part, and it did not seem to affect the end result. 

 

 

 

The pot was my awesome gift from my parents, love it!

While waiting for the water to boil I had enough time to cut the head of cabbage. One thing I did notice while making the soup and when eating it, was that it was slightly oily. The recipe asks for 3 tablespoons of oil, if I made again I would cut that amount down. 

 

I realized while putting in the cabbage that I was going to have A LOT of soup and there was no way I could eat it all before it went bad. I was lucky that the week before I had gotten new portion size freezer containers, for situations just like this. 

I did end up adding another 1-1/2 cups of water after adding the cabbage

 Once the soup was ready to simmer, I retreated back to my couch and blanket to watch an episode of Empress Ki (another addiction, K-Drama) until the soup was ready. By adding the carrots I had to increase the time from the recipe; it took about an hour for the carrots to be soft. How long you let it cook will depend on how thick you cut the carrots, and how soft or firm you like them.

 

An hour passed and it was the moment of truth, at this point I would have been happy with just edible; and it was (and actually pretty good). Success! I might even experiment next time and add a meat, so any suggestions on what kind of meat please let me know. 

I do know that it was the perfect remedy for feeling cruddy, so I suggest it to anyone needing a pick me up. If you do try this recipe please share how it comes out or any additions and changes that you make!

 

Sometimes Cloudy

Day 14

A cloud is blocking my sunshine...

I am lucky enough to have awesome rest days, Tuesday and Wednesday... don't be jealous. I thought I would keep Wednesdays as the one day a week I kept completely open to recoup, or in case I wanted to plan something.

Lately though I have been having a hard time staying on course with trying to eat healthy and exercise these days. I have taken lazy to a whole new level on Wednesdays, then find it hard to get motivated again every Thursday; and I also feel like the work of the week before was just thrown away.

There is also too much time to think on these days when I don't go anywhere or do anything. Not only do I get upset about going off course, I for some reason start beating myself up over every little thing or thinking about the past and useless things.

I think I need to reevaluate my off days to get me out more, to shake this funk. I keep saying I will get out more when it warms up but that is just an excuse to avoid going out now. Why am I still struggling with getting out doing things on my own? I thought I used to be a stronger person, did I really change that much over the eight years...

I am trying so hard to get rid of this negative mind set, and I thought I was. I just have to remind myself people go through real and much harder struggles than me everyday, and they come out of them usually stronger; and then ask myself 'are the things you are worried about really that important'. So I need to stop making excuses and just make the changes that are needed to stop feeling like this.

I am not looking for sympathy by sharing this, just sharing a simple struggle during my adventure to change.

K-POP!

For the love of K-POP!

There is one constant in my life that I know I can be motivated by any time of the day and will always be there when I need it...MUSIC!

I love a lot of styles of music, and rely on it often through my day; it keeps me moving while cleaning, clears my mind before work on the ride in, calms me down after a hectic day at work, puts me to sleep, and keeps me motivated during my workouts.

My current play list for my workouts is what I would like to share and it consists completely of my current music love, Korean Pop music or K-Pop.

I know this music is not for everyone, but let me tell you... if you chose to listen to any of these songs I can not be responsible for your instant addiction to the beat and music. No I do not speak Korean, but you do not need to know what is being said when the music gets you so pumped up!

Playlist

BIGBANG (the band that is responsible for this addiction)- Fantastic Baby

Tonight 

Monster

TOP- DOOM DADA

 TAEYANG- Ringa Linga
G-Dragon- almost all his solo work is on my list!

 

2NE1- I am the Best

B.A.P-Badman
Hurricane
No Mercy
One Shot 
Power
Warrior

Block B- Nillili Mambo
Very Good
NalinA

SHINee- Everybody

Ring Ding Dong
Spoiler
Dream Girl
Dynamite
Clue+Note
Ready or Not
Nightmare
Why so Serious?
Lucifer

Girls Generation (SNSD)- Gee
Oh!
Run Devil Run
Genie
The Boys
I got a Boy

Super Junior- Bonamana

Mr. Simple
Opera
Sexy, Free and Single
Rockstar
Spy
Sorry, Sorry
Breakdown

TVXQ- Mirotic
Catch Me
Humanoids
Keep your Head Down

EXO- Wolf
Mama
History
Two Moons
Growl
Machine

Infinite- BTD
Chaser
Destiny

Rain- LA Song
Thirty Sexy

B2ST- Shock 
Shadow 
Breath

and a few stragglers- Henry, Nu'est, Teen Top, f(x), CNBlue, U-Kiss.... and I know there are others I am probably missing....

ENJOY!

SNOWMAGEDDON 2014!

January 28th, 2014 started off like any regular day for me... got off work, quick hour nap before Wing Chun and Jun Fan, class and my regular 8-1/2 hour commute home. WAIT WHAT?!?! The disaster now known as Atlanta's Snowmageddon (which was barely any snow) created a royal mess almost instantly.

The start of my drive from Johns Creek to Roswell, usually a nice 15 minute ride. At this point I had gone around 3 miles in more than an hour. 

 All the side roads leading up to the freeway were slammed, so I thought I could brave the freeway itself; not sure if the side roads would have been better, but the freeway was a parking lot for 4+ hours. I have never seen so much creative driving; people were creating their own lanes by driving on the side walks and grass. It was INSANE!

When I finally did get off the freeway (I was less than 2 miles from home!) we were still not moving. I sat on the bridge off the freeway for close to an hour because of accidents up ahead. There were a ton of people walking past me, and that is when I realized I did not want to be in my car any longer. I was parking and walking the remainder.

My walk home

I was so happy that I chose to walk because when I got closer to my apartment complex which is very hilly, I saw one of the things causing the back up. No one could get up the hill and there was a pile up on the bottom of hill.





When I did get home all I could do was eat a snack and crash I was exhausted, but I did try to stay positive and remembered that I was lucky because people were still stuck out there. I would worry about my car in the morning.

The morning after...


 





After a LONG nights sleep, I got  prepared to hopefully bring my car back home. So I bundled up to make the walk, and I admit that I really wanted to see how things had turned out from the night before.

 

 Well not a good start right off the bat, this is the entrance to my complex. Two guys attempting to move their vehicles quickly became stuck again. I just knew I was not getting my car back in, but I still wanted to venture out. Heck it could be my exercise for the day.

 

 There were still a lot of cars left from the previous night, but the main road was practically clear of ice so people were coming back to move them.

People had left their cars on the sidewalks and grass all along the road.

 One of the many buses that were left stranded. Many children stayed the night at school if they could not be picked up, while later on that night some had to be rescued by the National Guard. When stuck the night before, I had seen a few buses in the traffic and was happy to see people go up to the bus to make sure the kids were alright and to see if they needed anything for the little passengers inside.

 Besides being offered free hot chocolate on my walk, I witnessed many other acts of kindness by strangers. People were helping pull or push vehicles that were stuck, give a jump, offer rides, and just simply ask if someone was OK or needed anything. It was extremely uplifting to know the neighborhood and people in general, could come together.

There were also a number of Shelters set up to get people out of the cold and offer relief for the night until they were able to make the commute home. That night one lady I spoke with had been on the road for 7 hours and still had 23 miles until she made it home (that was when I knew I could have been worse off).



I ended up walking around for a little over an hour; I had checked on my car and walked to the store (Kroger, Publix and Waffle House were the only places open) and decided to head home. Well when I got back, in that short time, most of the hill at complex was melted and people were making it in. So I turned around and walked back to my car to bring her home...

...and we made it!

 I know what you are thinking, why can't these people drive in snow!? Trust me I was thinking the same thing when I moved here from Michigan. I knew my family and friends up North were going to revoke my Yankee card when they heard about this

The biggest mistake that was made I believe, was all the businesses and schools letting out early around the same time. Usually the times people go home is staggered throughout the afternoon to avoid abnormal traffic jams (traffic is still horrible during rush hour though), well now everyone is on the road at the same time. Not only are they on the road, a lot of them are trying to rush to go pick up kids now or get home before things get 'worse'. Rushing plus icy road conditions plus people who are not used to driving in this winter mess, it all equals disaster.

 What an adventure from start to finish, although I am sort of glad I got to experience it so I could have a story to tell... I really would not be upset if it did not happen again any time soon, or ever again lol!

Sleep and Weight Loss

Sleep... oh how I miss you and our long nights (or days) together, why have you left me!

I know sleep is essential for weight loss, your health, and makes Jessica a tolerable person to be around; but lately the tossing and turning for hours at a time has made a good amount of sleep hard to come by. There are a ton of articles out there that relate sleep to weight loss, with the main principle being adequate sleep will increase your metabolism; while lack of proper rest will slow your metabolism.

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/excessive-sleepiness-10/lack-of-sleep-weight-gain

I do exercise in the morning after work, but I try to give myself time to wind down so I can be relaxed by the time I lay down. I cut my caffeine off by a certain time every morning and I have cut back what I eat the closer I get to the time I go to sleep. I have tried meditating and this used to work, but not lately. Sleep aids... I have tried but don't really care for the grogginess after, and don't want to be dependent on something everyday and then grow immune to it after awhile.

 I am frustrated to think my lack of sleep is one of the causes in me not seeing results with all my hard work with weight loss as well. If anyone suffers from this as well, please share any remedies you have tried that worked or not worked.

I am going to go attempt this sleep thing again...

Planning = Success

I think the idea of Planning = Success can be true for so many aspects of life, but for right now I am focusing on planning my food for the week. 

First let me say that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. For example I often use food as a way to cope, or as a reward after a good workout. But after working hard in the gym for an hour, it is not the best idea to eat half a bag of chips. Sort of defeats the whole purpose! Then there is usually a feeling of guilt that follows, usually followed by eating the rest of the chips because you are now depressed. It is a vicious cycle.

To avoid these bad habits over the next 30 days I knew I had to do some planning. So before even going to the grocery store I had to brainstorm on what I needed to get me through the week. Some stuff I do get bulk and lasts more than the week, but I don't want the fruits and veggies to go bad before I will eat them hence the week time. Also my list of ideas are all based on me individually, I know people with kids or things such as dietary needs, you will have to consider different things. 

Brainstorm before store-

• Do you have something for breakfast? (do not skip!)
• Ready to go snacks? Something easy to grab if I need a fix after Martial Arts or in the car.
• What main dish do you want, and what dishes can you make out of it? I get bored after a few meals of something, so knowing what other meals I can make ahead of time really helps (especially since I am culinary challenged and do not know how to wing it).
• FRUITS AND VEGETABLES! Just enough for the week, but more than what I used to eat in the past... a lot more. 
• What healthy snack can I have if I have a sweet tooth? Sometimes you might want something sweet, and instead of depriving myself of it then raiding the candy machine at work why not get a healthy solution; for example I opted for sugar free jello. 

From this I easily made a list I would not stray from at the store (but the ice cream sure did look tempting), plus it also helped that I gave myself a budget for the month so I could only buy what I came in for. 

My first trip this week was a success and yesterday I prepared my meals for the next few days. There are cooked chicken breasts, quinoa, and a big container of cooked vegetables. To help from overeating I prepackaged meals in Tupperware so they are a quick grab before work; this will stop me too from saying I don't have time to make a lunch and grab something fast-food on the way in to work (sorry Subway and Wendy's I will miss you).

I will share some of the other tips I have gotten online from other sources over the month, and if you have any suggestions please share I would love to hear them!

Motivation!

Such a generic topic for a fitness and lifestyle change I know, but was inspired...and yes MOTIVATED by a post I saw today.

So what motivated me to start this journey? I admit after going through my breakup (starting to recognize where my life change began yet...) my motivation for getting healthier was not a great one, and I am embarrassed thinking back at it. I wanted to get healthier and look great to show my ex what he would be missing; but then I soon realized this idea was ridiculous. Not only because of the fact I broke up with him (face palm for that one), but being motivated for this reason kept me with lingering negative feelings and holding on to the past I was trying to get over.

Yet another one of my goals is to not regret my decisions or past errors, and to grow from them and try to find the positive. So even though my motivation was illogical it did get me off my butt in the beginning, and then I started to enjoy how I was feeling after working out or eating healthy. The process soon became something for my benefit and not someone else.

Well this pushed me through for awhile but I started to slip, I am not the most self-motivated person and I am a BIG procrastinator. I soon realized until this lifestyle became an everyday thing I needed support, and I went looking for it. 

This may seem weak, but I think everyone knows themselves and their limits. I know that right now I am not the strongest person I can be, not just physically but mentally; so the support helps me reach my goal of a greater me!

Here is a huge thank you to all my supporters; family, friends near and far, the communities on here, and my new Martial Arts family because without all of you I feel like I would still be treading water instead of moving on. 

'Just keep swimming... just keep swimming...'

30 in 30 days!

Seeing how I turn 30 in a month, I wanted to challenge myself this month physically. I have been exercising off and on the last few months and been trying to eat healthier. I even started taking Jun Fan Gun Fu (Jun Fu) and Wing Chun at Francis Fong Martial Arts Academy, mostly to gain my self-confidence back but to also get in shape.

In my early 20's I weighed around 135 and was semi inshape, but as soon as I got a desk job at the railroad and started working overnights I quickly put on 60lbs! I am not using this life change as an excuse, I admit I was just lazy. But when I got on the scale and saw 199, I knew then and there I needed to make a life change because I would not see 200. I was miserable...(this is tough to share)

I am currently down to 160 and feeling so much better physically and mentally. I would still like to drop some more weight, but I am more aware that the number is not as important as feeling better.

This month I want to focus on working out on a regular basis and setting a schedule, and not cheating on my diet! I am looking to hear from others and cheering each other on through our getting healthy journey, and I can't wait to share a picture I can be happy with in 30 days!

30 in 30!

Starting off...

Hello! 

This is my first attempt at a blog or sharing so much information about myself so I am a bit overwhelmed and not sure on what I should do, or where to start...

You may ask why am I attempting this? Well in one month from today I will be turning 30, and just a week ago if I said that I would have cringed or gotten upset at the idea. I am not sure what clicked inside me, but I just decided to not be upset about hitting this landmark age and take it as a stepping stone to move on to a better future and stronger me!

Where I am and where I 'thought' I should be...

I am currently single after an eight year relationship. I actually move to Georgia from Michigan to be with my ex, and I thought we would be together forever in the beginning; but life had different plans. We had regular relationship problems (and some), and once I realized that things were never going to move forward... well I should say on my third attempt of breaking up, I finally found the strength to get out of the relationship.  

The first few months after were EXTREMELY difficult, I started questioning my decision and feeling sorry for myself. Why aren't you married now? All your friends have kids, are you ever going to have a family of your own? You wasted so much of your life and have nothing to show for it?

But I soon started telling myself, so what?! Why are you worried about what everyone else thinks is the normal, or what other people think about your situation... I needed to just live my life the way I wanted to. This life does not come with a set of guidelines or rules we have to follow, so why was I so worried about living up to some standard?

So I decided to live on and go through the situations I have never experienced, simple things like living on my own or going to the movies by myself. These things may seem trivial, but I soon realized I am not the only one who has had to go through this... so why not share these experiences and discuss them with others? Let others share their experiences while I share mine, what a great way to relieve stress and open up about what we are feeling!

So, here we go....