Body Image

Up and Down...

Ever since I gained weight several years ago I have had issues with the body image I had of myself. Even after I started to lose  weight, the negative view I had has not gone away completely. I know a lot of women go through this struggle at one point or another in their life and that it is why I wanted to share my growth so far on it.

When I put on my weight I was at an extremely low point in my life, and seeing how I had let myself go did not help the situation. It was to the point I did not want pictures taken of me at all, and if I did take one I made sure that I was covered as much as possible. In the summer I did not want to go swimming, because I was embarrassed in a swimsuit. Even if the temperatures reached 100 degrees I never wore shorts, only around the house (I still only own one pair of shorts, but that is going to change this summer).

I usually had the hardest time when trying on clothes or going shopping. I hated picking out new clothes, thinking that nothing looked good. One time with my mom shopping, I actually broke down in the dressing room; it was one of the lowest points I have ever had related to how I felt about myself.

Mirrors, I avoided them like the plague. Only more recently have I felt better about looking at myself in the mirror. When I did go in front of the mirror, all I did was find everything that I did not like about myself and add more fuel to the fire.

I know many people suffer from anorexia or bulimia due to their poor body images, I am lucky enough to have never gotten that bad (I like food too much, and hate throwing up so safe). But I can easily understand why some people go to those extremes.

Even as I have started to make healthy changes in my lifestyle and habits, I still have daily struggles. Some days I will feel great with progress I have made, and should be happy... but then the next day I will get completely discouraged and keep thinking I have sooo far to go or still not be satisfied with what I see in that stupid mirror. I keep wondering when I will get to the point that I can look in the mirror and be truly happy with what I see? I have a goal weight in mind, but when I get there... will that be the end or will I think that is not enough? That is the part that scares me.

I will say I think addressing the things I am feeling and sharing them has been a great step forward. I thought when I made changes physically the mental would just follow, didn't realize how challenging it was to change your mental attitude and perceptions of what you 'should' be over rather what is right for you.
    
Found a very informative article on the subject...
Negative Body Image and Weight Issues