Body Image

Up and Down...

Ever since I gained weight several years ago I have had issues with the body image I had of myself. Even after I started to lose  weight, the negative view I had has not gone away completely. I know a lot of women go through this struggle at one point or another in their life and that it is why I wanted to share my growth so far on it.

When I put on my weight I was at an extremely low point in my life, and seeing how I had let myself go did not help the situation. It was to the point I did not want pictures taken of me at all, and if I did take one I made sure that I was covered as much as possible. In the summer I did not want to go swimming, because I was embarrassed in a swimsuit. Even if the temperatures reached 100 degrees I never wore shorts, only around the house (I still only own one pair of shorts, but that is going to change this summer).

I usually had the hardest time when trying on clothes or going shopping. I hated picking out new clothes, thinking that nothing looked good. One time with my mom shopping, I actually broke down in the dressing room; it was one of the lowest points I have ever had related to how I felt about myself.

Mirrors, I avoided them like the plague. Only more recently have I felt better about looking at myself in the mirror. When I did go in front of the mirror, all I did was find everything that I did not like about myself and add more fuel to the fire.

I know many people suffer from anorexia or bulimia due to their poor body images, I am lucky enough to have never gotten that bad (I like food too much, and hate throwing up so safe). But I can easily understand why some people go to those extremes.

Even as I have started to make healthy changes in my lifestyle and habits, I still have daily struggles. Some days I will feel great with progress I have made, and should be happy... but then the next day I will get completely discouraged and keep thinking I have sooo far to go or still not be satisfied with what I see in that stupid mirror. I keep wondering when I will get to the point that I can look in the mirror and be truly happy with what I see? I have a goal weight in mind, but when I get there... will that be the end or will I think that is not enough? That is the part that scares me.

I will say I think addressing the things I am feeling and sharing them has been a great step forward. I thought when I made changes physically the mental would just follow, didn't realize how challenging it was to change your mental attitude and perceptions of what you 'should' be over rather what is right for you.
    
Found a very informative article on the subject...
Negative Body Image and Weight Issues

Weather got you down? Soup!

Not feeling well? Want something so warm you up in these cold temps?

Make some soup!

Haven't been feeling  great the last week, with the drastic change of temperatures and my allergies I think it all finally caught up with me. All I wanted to eat the last few days was soup, but of course I didn't have any cans ready for this situation or any frozen ready to go. 

I was then reminded quickly that I was single and didn't have magical powers, so none was going to magically appear and no one was going to make any for me. So I decided to attempt some cabbage soup since I had bought a head of cabbage with no idea what to do with it. 

Where do I go for recipes usually? To one of my many addictions Pinterest and they did not disappoint. I soon found a recipe that looked simple and quick, and  included ingredients I already had. 

Healing Cabbage Soup Recipe 

Only after I started did I realize what a mistake I had made. why hadn't I just gone out and bought a can of soup? Instead I figured it would be easier to spend an hour plus making homemade soup I had never made, while still groggy off cold and sinus medicine...hmm

When I started I cannot even remember how many times I had to reread the recipe. After I got a grasp on the ingredients I needed, I decided to make a few adjusments suggested in the comments. I added celery and carrots for extra vegetables, plus cayenne pepper and red pepper flakes for a little kick. 

While cutting my veggies I was very surprised I did not loose a finger. I will blame being medicated and not my clumsiness, but the knife slipped way too many times! I put the carrots and celery into the first step of the recipe (before the water). No idea if this was the right time to add them but I was improvising that part, and it did not seem to affect the end result. 

 

 

 

The pot was my awesome gift from my parents, love it!

While waiting for the water to boil I had enough time to cut the head of cabbage. One thing I did notice while making the soup and when eating it, was that it was slightly oily. The recipe asks for 3 tablespoons of oil, if I made again I would cut that amount down. 

 

I realized while putting in the cabbage that I was going to have A LOT of soup and there was no way I could eat it all before it went bad. I was lucky that the week before I had gotten new portion size freezer containers, for situations just like this. 

I did end up adding another 1-1/2 cups of water after adding the cabbage

 Once the soup was ready to simmer, I retreated back to my couch and blanket to watch an episode of Empress Ki (another addiction, K-Drama) until the soup was ready. By adding the carrots I had to increase the time from the recipe; it took about an hour for the carrots to be soft. How long you let it cook will depend on how thick you cut the carrots, and how soft or firm you like them.

 

An hour passed and it was the moment of truth, at this point I would have been happy with just edible; and it was (and actually pretty good). Success! I might even experiment next time and add a meat, so any suggestions on what kind of meat please let me know. 

I do know that it was the perfect remedy for feeling cruddy, so I suggest it to anyone needing a pick me up. If you do try this recipe please share how it comes out or any additions and changes that you make!

 

Sometimes Cloudy

Day 14

A cloud is blocking my sunshine...

I am lucky enough to have awesome rest days, Tuesday and Wednesday... don't be jealous. I thought I would keep Wednesdays as the one day a week I kept completely open to recoup, or in case I wanted to plan something.

Lately though I have been having a hard time staying on course with trying to eat healthy and exercise these days. I have taken lazy to a whole new level on Wednesdays, then find it hard to get motivated again every Thursday; and I also feel like the work of the week before was just thrown away.

There is also too much time to think on these days when I don't go anywhere or do anything. Not only do I get upset about going off course, I for some reason start beating myself up over every little thing or thinking about the past and useless things.

I think I need to reevaluate my off days to get me out more, to shake this funk. I keep saying I will get out more when it warms up but that is just an excuse to avoid going out now. Why am I still struggling with getting out doing things on my own? I thought I used to be a stronger person, did I really change that much over the eight years...

I am trying so hard to get rid of this negative mind set, and I thought I was. I just have to remind myself people go through real and much harder struggles than me everyday, and they come out of them usually stronger; and then ask myself 'are the things you are worried about really that important'. So I need to stop making excuses and just make the changes that are needed to stop feeling like this.

I am not looking for sympathy by sharing this, just sharing a simple struggle during my adventure to change.

K-POP!

For the love of K-POP!

There is one constant in my life that I know I can be motivated by any time of the day and will always be there when I need it...MUSIC!

I love a lot of styles of music, and rely on it often through my day; it keeps me moving while cleaning, clears my mind before work on the ride in, calms me down after a hectic day at work, puts me to sleep, and keeps me motivated during my workouts.

My current play list for my workouts is what I would like to share and it consists completely of my current music love, Korean Pop music or K-Pop.

I know this music is not for everyone, but let me tell you... if you chose to listen to any of these songs I can not be responsible for your instant addiction to the beat and music. No I do not speak Korean, but you do not need to know what is being said when the music gets you so pumped up!

Playlist

BIGBANG (the band that is responsible for this addiction)- Fantastic Baby

Tonight 

Monster

TOP- DOOM DADA

 TAEYANG- Ringa Linga
G-Dragon- almost all his solo work is on my list!

 

2NE1- I am the Best

B.A.P-Badman
Hurricane
No Mercy
One Shot 
Power
Warrior

Block B- Nillili Mambo
Very Good
NalinA

SHINee- Everybody

Ring Ding Dong
Spoiler
Dream Girl
Dynamite
Clue+Note
Ready or Not
Nightmare
Why so Serious?
Lucifer

Girls Generation (SNSD)- Gee
Oh!
Run Devil Run
Genie
The Boys
I got a Boy

Super Junior- Bonamana

Mr. Simple
Opera
Sexy, Free and Single
Rockstar
Spy
Sorry, Sorry
Breakdown

TVXQ- Mirotic
Catch Me
Humanoids
Keep your Head Down

EXO- Wolf
Mama
History
Two Moons
Growl
Machine

Infinite- BTD
Chaser
Destiny

Rain- LA Song
Thirty Sexy

B2ST- Shock 
Shadow 
Breath

and a few stragglers- Henry, Nu'est, Teen Top, f(x), CNBlue, U-Kiss.... and I know there are others I am probably missing....

ENJOY!